Joe Republican

Here's something I found, it's a piece that needs to be passed around. Glad I can do my part.

“A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JOE REPUBLICAN”

Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer’s medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe’s bacon is safe to eat because some girly- man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to the subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation costs because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe’s employer pays these standards because Joe’s employer doesn’t want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he’ll get a worker compensation or an unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn’t think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe’s deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe’s money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the country would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state-funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax- payer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers’ Home Administration because bankers didn’t want to make rural loans.

The house didn’t have electricity until some big- government liberal stuck his nose where it didn’t belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberals made sure Dad could take care of himself so Joe wouldn’t have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn’t mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: “We don’t need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I’m a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of himself, just like I have.”

A terrifying piece of nostalgia

The RNC is taking an interesting approach. Unlike the jelly-spined Democrats, God's Own Party is making a controversial stand against letting America blow up. They're dusting off the yellowing pages of the script used for the (in)famous "Daisy" ad L.B.J ran against his opponent, Goldwater, in the 1964 Presidential Election. Republicans debuted the latest, and most antagonistic, attack ad on their site this month, then, due to popular demand, it went nation-wide. Entitled "The Stakes," it features quotes from such esteemed Democrats as Al-Zawahiri and bin Laden (who, if you watch Fox News, is the DNC Chairman) threatening to blow America six ways to Sunday.

The Foley scandal denuded the Republicans of their moral high ground and, thanks to Olbermann's three-part expose, David Kuo's book, Tempting Faith: An Inside Story of Political Seduction, turned some heads. Now, all that is left is that old chestnut - fear. Remember: Watch the ad. Piss yourself. Vote Republican. See you at the polls.

Fox News' take on the Civil Rights movement

It's time to dance

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A 6,000 Year Wait

In 1936 Dr. Thornwell Jacobs set out to solve a problem. He wanted to ensure that in 6,000 years historians would be guaranteed an accurate snapshot of life in the 20th century. His solution: the biggest time capsule ever assembled. He collected phonographs, microfilm containing the Bible, the Koran, the Illiad and Dante's Inferno among other significant literary works, a sewing machine and one of the first televisions. He even dropped in a couple of mannikins - male and female - for good measure. Everything he collected was then placed in airtight containers which were in turn placed into an olympic-sized swimming pool he had converted into a crypt.

Along with everything else, Dr. Jacobs included a hand-crank machine consisting of only 1,500 words known as "Basic English," a subset of standard English. His hope was for the people of the future to use the machine to teach themselves English much like the Rosetta stone.

For more information on the project check out this Damn Interesting article. And the complete contents of the crypt are listed here.

A few items I'd include in my cultural snapshot:

- "Darkside of the Moon" by Pink Floyd
- "The 400 Blows" directed by Francais Truffaut
- A case of twinkies
- The first four Ramones albums
- KY warming gel
- An Ipod
- The entire series of "Seinfeld"
- The complete works of Mozart
- "Young Frankenstein" directed by Mel Brooks
- a used laptop
- Dylan's non-Christian albums
- "Snakes on a Plane"
- Picasso's "Guernica"
- A box of Mac & Cheese
- Assorted anime (it's all the same)
- A booklet of Sudoku puzzles
- This
- The early recordings of Louis Armstrong

And the answers are...

1. VOICELESS TOLL (Elvis Costello)

2. CITE JOHN MILL (Joni Mitchell)

3. DINKY FLOP (Pink Floyd)

4. A SNEER MOTH (The Ramones)

5. BIAS BE THE TOYS (The Beastie Boys)

6. ATOM WITS (Tom Waits)

7. NEOLITHIC LIRE (Lionel Ritchie)

8. A CLONED HERON (Leonard Cohen)

9. INLAID DEMON (Neil Diamond)

10. PET MY TOT (Tom Petty)

Rock and Roll Anagrams

Everybody knows Axl Rose is an anagram for oral sex and Mr. Mojo Risin' is really the Lizard King, Jim Morrison. But how many of these famous rockers can you unscramble from the anagrams below? Trust me, it's harder than it looks.

1. VOICELESS TOLL (Hint: Bespectacled songsmith)

2. CITE JOHN MILL (Hint: Horse-faced hippie chick)

3. DINKY FLOP (Hint: The first band on the moon)

4. A SNEER MOTH (Hint: They're not brothers even though they share the same name)

5. BIAS BE THE TOYS (Hint: Snotty rap trio)

6. ATOM WITS (Hint: This rain dog walks spanish down the hall)

7. NEOLITHIC LIRE (Hint: His daughter lived the simple life)

8. A CLONED HERON (Hint: Both Buckley and Rufus covered one of his songs)

9. INLAID DEMON (Hint: The single greatest performer of his or any other generation)

10. PET MY TOT (Hint: This madhatter is always ready to roll another joint)

The answers will be posted tomorrow.

100 Posts, 100 Kickass Items!

To celebrate my one hundredth post here's a hundred cool links, pictures and videos for your immediate perusal.

The Seventh Sense

Chomsky On NPR's On Point

Know your Rights....as a man and/or woman

The Phantom Time Hypothesis

Yacht Rock

Everybody to the limit!

On the Nature of Human Romantic Interaction by Karl Iagnemma

Curveball

200 Greatest Songs of the 1960s according to Pitchforkmedia



Bruce Campbell

StumbleUpon

Soulseek

The Best of Candlelite Records Vol. 1

Eraserhead

Cute Rocker Chick

The Dark Side of Folk: Songs about Sex

The Dark Side of Folk: Songs about Drugs

The Dark Side of Folk: Songs about Murder

The Light Side of Folk: Songs about Heaven

String Theory

Mitch Hedberg

Sound intelligent, powerful, polished, articulate, and confident



















The Complete Works of George Orwell

Pablo Neruda

Plagiarist.com





Hyper Sphere

NPR's 100 most important American musical works of the 20th century

The Best Albums Ever...Honest

"my mind is" and other poems by e.e. cummings

Watch and Learn Photoshop

Fox News is finally taken behind the shed




























Top 10 Pot Studies Government Wished It Never Funded



Best 1,000 Movies Ever Made

Jaws in 30 seconds (and re-enacted by bunnies)



Why You Shouldn't Post Your Picture Online

Chocolate Sushi

Overcoming Laziness

Skeet Shoot

Smoke Shot Trick

Carl Sagan: The Edge of Forever

Gandhi's Philosophy

Gandhi Photo Gallery

Gandhi Quotes

The Dalai Lama

Archive of 20th Century Heroes

Archive of 20th Century Killers





WTF?

Deep Thought: 20 Reasons The World Despises Norton Anti-Virus

Tree Wallpaper



Cosmic Wallpaper



Pearls of Wisdom Index

Pinquin

Top 15 Movie Mistakes

What Celebrity Do You Most Look Like?



















Dylan and Lennon Stoned in a Taxi

10 Most Impressive Satellite Photos



On the Road to Self-Empowerment: 12 Steps to Leading an Inspired Life



National Geographic

Lyrics Freak

Crimes of War






















A Better Mousetrap

































Salavdor Dali's Disney Film "Destino"

Sudan Divestment Task Force

This American Life


















The Ren and Stimpy Show

Norman MacCaig
























Real Conspiracy Theories

Benjamin Olson

Shawn of the Dead

75% of Americans Believe Everything They Read



Gray Watson's Qucky Brain Teasers and Riddles

Intergalactic academic says Martians and aboriginal earthlings mated to create Asian race

Spirited Away

US History Fact-O-Rama

Terry Gross' Interview with Bill O'Reilly

Terry Gross' Interview with Gene Simmons




































Cooking Tips

Cheap Flights

Japanese Calligraphy



The Wizard of Floyd

Gard focuses on Illegal Immigration in TV Ads

The next generation of attack ads are now flooding the airwaves and - surprise, surprise - Gard has shifted debate onto Illegal Immigration. In it his claws come out as he berates Kagen for his position calling it Amnesty. How original. Apparently, anyone who doesn't share Gard's extreme views supports Amnesty by default. The truth is, Kagen recognizes that 10 million illegals are in the country, like it or not, therefore it's now our responsibility to integrate them into society. This does not, in Kagen's words, mean "cutting in line" ahead of those who are here legally, it does mean he would implement the most practical option available to us.

Gard, on the other hand, clings to the party line. His position, as stated on his website, calls for the immediate deployment of 10,000-15,000 troops and the erection of a barrier along our southern border. For those who are curious the cost of the fence alone would be $2.2 Billion, however, this estimate is still on the low side.

He also opposes Amnesty in any form. The logical question which then arises is: if you resist the assimilation of Illegals through a controlled Amnesty program what, then, do you propose we do with those already in the US? Of course, this is assuming his idea of a heavily guarded southern border prevents illegal immigrants from crossing over.

First, Gard could offer legislation which would elevate illegal aliens to the status of felons and imprison them one and all; with the over-crowding in our prison system it's hard to see any law added to the books which would make this actionable. Second, initiate a mass deportation effort. Again, the sheer scope of this event would cost everyone much more than allowing the illegals to stay. The estimated cost of mass deportation of all undocumented aliens over five years would amount to $206 billion (approximately $41.2 billion per year). As is, the cost to the government is $10 billion, even if that number tripled it would still be cheaper than deporting all of them.

As much as Republicans don't want to admit it we have little choice but to back Kagen's method. Everything else would cost too much and there are rarely discussed benefits of keeping illegals. From what I can tell this is a conversation all multi-cultural societies inevitably have, Australia is waging a similar debate. The trick is to maintain our national identity while absorbing the many personalities which determine the patchwork of our culture.

Shepherd Smith pistol whips Bill Kristol

Bill O'Reilly's War on Truth

Bill O'Reilly is working the media circuit to promote his new book. On his whistle stop tour of the "liberal" media Bill's pushing his version of the great divide now found in politics.

"It's the traditionalists who really want to keep the country pretty much the way it is. Against the secular progressives who want drastic change. … They control the media."

In Bill's reality America is pretty much peachy keen. The only thing wrong with America are people who say there's something wrong with America. However, Bill's is not the reality you and I occupy and as Stephen Colbert once said "reality has a well-known liberal bias."

Here's a short list of improvements America needs to make as compared to the rest of the world:

USA Ranking on Life Expectancy: #29
(#1 Japan and #2 Hong Kong)- UN Human Development Report 2005

USA Ranking on Journalistic Press Freedom Index: #32
(#1 Finland, Iceland, Norway and the Netherlands tied)- Reporters Without Borders 2005

USA Ranking on Political Corruption Index: #17
(#1 Iceland and #2 Finland)- Transparency International 2005

USA Ranking on Environmental Sustainability Index: #45
(#1 Finland and #2 Norway)- Yale University ESI 2005

USA Ranking on Healthcare Quality Index: #37
(#1 France and #2 Italy)- World Health Organization 2003

Interesting, Bill. France demolishes the US in Healthcare Quality. If that's not proof universal healthcare doesn't work than nothing is.

Check out the Top 5 Myths about America. You'll be glad you did.