Things Republicans Believe

Things Republicans Believe (received anonymously on the net)

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and
you need our prayers for
your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions
against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business
and Big Money but crack
down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the
pain of illness.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your
workers and moving their jobs
to India.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her
own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind without
regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of
homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise
the troops in speeches
while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless
you someday run for
governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents
won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of
the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care
to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad
guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business
with him and a bad guy
when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"
diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
impeachable offense. A
president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands die is solid
defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named
in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring
the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's
cattle trades, but George
Bush's driving record is none of our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can
tell states what local voter initiatives they have a
right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of
international harmony.